CASE FILE: COCOA CLYDE
The Pleistocene Throwback
“Somewhere in my family tree, things got… woolly.”
DEPARTMENT:
Chocolate Milk, Ancestral Genetics & Unplanned Enthusiasm
DRINK OF CHOICE:
Chocolate milk. Always chocolate milk.
KNOWN FOR:
Huge pink nose, giant brown eyes, wild cream forelock, prehistoric levels of hair & having no idea how much space he occupies
TROUBLE LEVEL:
Accidental
SIGNATURE PROP:
Old-fashioned glass bottle, battered enamel mug or mason jar full of chocolate milk
SIBLINGS:
None
CHARACTER HEART:
Sweet, enormous, uncomplicated & completely comfortable being his wonderfully strange self
SAYING:
“I’m Not Fluffy. I’m Prehistoric.”
THE STORY:
Cocoa Clyde was born looking perfectly normal for approximately three minutes.
Then he dried off.
His mother was a respectable brown cow. His father was definitely a cow. Nothing in the immediate family suggested their child was going to emerge looking equipped to survive a glacier. And yet, there was Clyde. Hair everywhere.
The accepted Barnyard Crew explanation is that somewhere deep in Clyde’s ancestry, an ancient bovine gene quietly slept for thousands of years until one day it woke up screaming: MY TIME HAS COME. Clyde does not concern himself with genetics. Clyde has chocolate milk. Life is good.
He is big, enthusiastic, affectionate, and gloriously unaware of his own size. Clyde sees a problem and sincerely believes it can probably be improved by helping, trying harder, bringing snacks, or adding chocolate milk.
COCOA CLYDE’S GOODS
Built for the Ice Age. Living for chocolate milk.
WEAR THE WOOLLY
Tees, hoodies & prehistoric bovine nonsense for people with excellent recessive genes.
THE COCOA BAR
Mugs, tumblers & drinkware for serious chocolate-milk business.
CLYDE’S CAVE
Farm gifts, kitchen goods & wonderfully woolly oddities.
THE WHOLE HERD-ITAGE
Everything Cocoa Clyde, genetics pending.